“With all it’s sham, drudgery and broken dreams… it is still a beautiful world.” – Desiderata
There are a lot of things that I wish I have right now. There are a lot of dreams awaiting to be realized.There are so much that I’ve done in the past that I wish I did not do, and there is something about the uncertainty of the future that is giving me slight anxiety. My friend Tin calls me paranoid all the time because while I don’t meddle, judge or worry about other people’s lives and decisions, I am quite hard on myself when it comes to my own actions. I constantly assess if I am doing the right thing, if I am not disappointing my parents, or my bosses at the office, or if I am being the responsible adult that I’m supposed to be now that i’m in my early late-20s.
But in the most occasional of times, during my, so to speak, lucid interval, I get to sit down and feel strangely optimistic and carefree. Today, I just feel happy. And I feel alive. 🙂
I admit I’ve not been a very positive person. I’ve actually known this since forever. But today, I sit here at the corner of the coffee shop feeling so good about myself, sold in the idea that whatever tomorrow brings, I will be okay.
“I can’t go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.” – Alice in Wonderland
I would like to be this positive and carefree more often. I’d like to be able to see the bright side of just about anything all the time. It may be hard to turn away from my old (and bad) habits, but I do think that I can do it. I would like to be a full time lover of my own life, my own journey and my own adventures (no matter how subdued lol). And I’d like to do it more effortlessly by the day.
I’d like to stop caring so much. I’d like to stop beating myself up for my mistakes. I would like to fully embrace the idea that even though things may go wrong, or my life might make unexpected turns, all of these will just be part of my colorful life when I look back ten or twenty years from now. I gotta stop being afraid of challenges, for now I see that mostly the reason why I am often hard on myself is because of my fear to fuck up, fail and “suffer”.
I just have to repeat to myself every single day that my life is beautiful… regardless of what happened in the past, or what is about to happen in the future.
Last week, I did something that I seriously regret. I broke my own rules and let myself give in to temptations. I could barely forgive myself for that mistake and my paranoid self started projecting worst-case scenarios in my head. Over that short period of time though, through the help of a few real friends, I was led to realize that I am worrying for something that hasn’t even happened yet. And i am preparing myself to lose something when all cards seem to show otherwise. Typical pessimistic me.Dress from a thrift shop in Intramuros, Bag borrowed from mom, hat from Vigan
After that, I went to pray but not in the manner that I used to. Instead of saying “please God, spare me from this or that”, I asked that “He give me peace of mind to remain calm, enough will to forgive myself and strength to face whatever challenge that might come my way as a result of my mistake.” When I changed my prayer into something more positive, I knew I was doing something really good for myself as well.
This is the context of my reflection for today. The past week gave me a glimpse of how nice it is to live with so much positivity and faith and I would really like to make this paticular way of thinking and viewing my world more permanent. There is so much good in me and in my life that it is actually such a nonsense to obsess over a mistake that I ampredisposed to commit as I am, after all, just a human being.
Every morning is a chance to forget the pains of yesterday, and see the change of a brand new day. To dance and laugh again, to make up for the wrong things done. And most of all, It’s God’s reminder that He is sending another blessing called ‘LIFE.’
Speaking of blessings, allow me to share with you some wonderful pictures from my dining experience I had last weekend with my family — aaah one of my few favorite things in the world! Forgive me. lol. I originally intended to just write about our second visit at Antonio’s Breakfast but there’s something about this Saturday that prodded me to reflect on my life out loud. haha. anyways, eto na po! haha
Now isn’t this place something? 🙂 The restaurant, as always, looks really cozy and almost romantic if only there were fewer patrons. LOL. The crowd’s noise was a bummer but I could live with it. All in all though, it was a beautiful day. It was another gift from the heavens that ought to remind me that I have every reason to smile and be happy and be positive about life.
“Life is so much brighter when we focus on what truly matters.”
Antonio’s House Salad with pineapple vinaigrette.
“Although time seems to fly, it never travels faster than one day at a time. Each day is a new opportunity to live your life to the fullest. In each waking day, you will find scores of blessing and opportunities for positive change. Do not let your today be stolen by the unchangeable past or the indefinite future“
Breakfast set for each one of us (except my brother).
When mostly the trouble of your life is whether to eat pancakes or eggs for breakfast, you really don’t have anything to complain about. Once in a while though, perhaps it is healthy to encounter more serious problems so that we do not get detached from the real world. Just a thought.
Burger with bacon and fries on the side for my bro.
The gift of family. Another reason to be thankful and happy and relieved knowing there will always be people who got your back. Dear self, I hope you realize now that the journey to optimism isn’t gonna be that difficult. Hold back no more. 🙂