Forgive me for writing this a few days late. I intended to post this entry during lent but I could not find the right words to say the many things I want to say. Actually, I feel like I’m still not capable of articulating the exact sentiments that I want to let out, but the bottom of it is just that I am, at the moment, slowly rediscovering my spirituality, and my faith in God.
It is a little funny how the universe works: It literally surrounded me with people who won’t stop talking about God, the bible, the right way of interpreting it, and faith over all. And what’s funnier is that it all happened at the same time, in the most convenient moment of my life at that: when I am genuinely happy inside and am willing to take in any sort of information because I am feeling that light. It’s just so strategic, God is so strategic that He sent me all these people all at once at the perfect time when He knows I would welcome them all.
Let me illustrate how I am literally surrounded by God-fearing people right now:
K, my clingy office mate who is by far my closest friend in the office, and whose desk is just right beside mine, is a Born-Again Christian.We would often debate biblical verses, with her always defending her faith, and with me always applying the Socratic Method to win arguments. Yet somehow, in between those discussions, she managed to expose and immerse me to bible teachings which she would often quote to prove a point. She even made me attend a Christian fellowship once. We spend way too much time together that I cannot really escape it when she randomly blurts out biblical passages.
My law school friends, P and M who I’ve had the chance to hang out with more frequently these past few months are suddenly discussing bible passages in our Fb group chat and even in our night-outs. This was never the case when we were still in law school. And I am perplexed as to why this is happening now. M is also currently dating a guy who is a devout Christian who would discuss the bible with her, such that when she gives me and P a blow by blow account of what happened to them recently, she would necessarily have to mention the bible discussion they had. Also, her mother has just recently joined Victory so M knows a lot about Christianity now more than ever.
P, on the other hand, has always been vocal to me/us about her faith. What more, she is so brilliant that she gets to easily explain and properly contextualize things from the bible that confuse or enrage me. P is just so sure of her faith and I am honestly a fan of her because she is very intelligent and WEIRD and she, along with M, is making it hard for me to resist this change I am currently undergoing haha.
As if friends are not enough, God would let me meet a guy who is, yes, a Christian too. Just like M would discuss the bible with her guy, this person would share his favorite biblical quotes with me and once in a while convince me to read a few verses. Oftentimes, I would oblige because my intention is to attack his logic; but then, I would necessarily have to read the bible so that I could properly frame my counter-arguments. I would feel good making a smart point but in the end, even though I’d win the skirmish, he -or He- would truly win the battle because I was led to rediscover the holy book – something I would never do prior this whole shebang.
In retrospect, I think these people do not give a shit about me debating the logic of their interpretations of the bible (at least for now). By intentionally or unintentionally making me read or merely hear about the book I once did not believe in or did not find credible, they have already fulfilled their purpose. I would admit though that as time goes by, their reasoning and explanations start making more sense to me to the point that I don’t find it compelling to counter them anymore.
After a while, I just find myself visiting Christian blogs, reading Daily Devotions on the internet, and frequenting the Church more than ever (of course not to hear a very ceremonial Catholic mass, but to solemnly and silently pray – a practice/stance of mine that I think would not change anymore). The only thing left for me to do is to read the bible. And that I shall do soon….
God does work in mysterious ways, doesn’t He? How did He manage to manipulate me like that? HAHAHA. Kidding aside, I am contemplating on rediscovering my faith. I really want to enrich the spiritual aspect of my life now that I’m done working on my major issues about myself. lol. This is not to say that I will join any congregation or religion (because I don’t like their way of boxing in their members and excluding others who don’t share the same orthodox ways) but I think, at the very least, I will start deepening my understanding of the bible.
Maybe I’m going to read it cover to cover, and try to interpret it with an open-mind. And maybe, instead of looking for the man of my dreams, I should first seek a genuine personal and private relationship with God, my God — And I would concede that the most basic way to get to know Him is to read about Him, through the bible.
That is all for today! Have a meaningful week! 🙂