It’s an hour before midnight, and I am attempting to translate my scattered thoughts into a readable blog. It’s the kind of thoughts that can easily draw back a girl’s smile, but also the kind that is not ripe enough to bring tears down her eyes. For me, this kind of thoughts is the worst kind because it cannot be perfectly articulated…
But I will try…
I am a little bid sad right now. I am sad because I know that I have to let go of something good that I recently found. I am sad because I think I found love but unfortunately it’s the kind that would certainly not last. What’s sadder is that I genuinely feel it is the kind that is true. But just like any other great things, it, too is fleeting.
I don’t know how to deal with the reality that soon, something i’ve grown to treasure, something I find special will have to slip away from my hands again. And although I have already accepted the fact that it really is not going anywhere, and will definitely not develop into something deeper, it still makes me uneasy.
Sometimes I feel like no matter what I do, love will never come to me…
But I know that this is not a good way of seeing things….
Maybe I’m just really frustrated right now. I’m frustrated that I am once again falling for the wrong person. And the fool in me just wouldn’t learn her lesson. I’d freely give away love that can never be returned. And then when the time comes that it has to end, it has to vanish.. to disappear… I cannot deal with it with grace.
Life is just like that… we deal with things as they come even though we have absolutely no idea what we are doing. All I know is that it’s time, yet again, to move on from a dream that this someone might just choose me, for a change. Because clearly, it’s not happening. It’s time, yet again, to try again.
But I hope next time I start falling in love… it would be with the person who is not going anywhere. On how to do this, that I still need to learn about. lol.
They say everything happens for a reason. I may not understand it immediately, I may not be comfortable with it right now, but I know someday it will all make sense.
I think there’s nothing wrong with being sad. I think it’s a very genuine and pure feeling – an emotion that cannot be validated or rationalized. It just is. It just has to be felt. But while I am declaring now that I am a bit blue, I know someday I will get it right, I will choose better situations for my hopeless romantic heart, and I will find the love of my life…
Maybe, what I need to do right now is just enjoy my life even harder as I await the right person to arrive. Maybe, I need to work on being even happier on my own first while the right person is still taking his time to meet me.
I know that LIFE IS TRULY WONDERFUL. And while I do feel sad, lonely, frustrated or upset sometimes, I still think my life is pretty awesome. And that should be enough to get me through this seeming shit I’m feeling right now.
“At some point, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life.”
…and I should be fine with it. I should graciously let people come and go. It is not easy to do but I really have no choice.
“The word happiness would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.”
Sadness is cool. Perhaps it is life’s way of making us feel alive… real… human. Life doesn’t stop challenging us. It doesn’t stop encouraging us to grow,often times it does its work by disguising lessons as painful, hurtful and sad experiences. Sometimes we just wanna cry “cut it out” because the frustration looks too unbearable. But life doesn’t hear us like that, does it?
What it wants if for us to accept the next test.
And then things get better…
I know it will all get better… I did not suffer all these heartaches for nothing. I know that in the end, life is my ally.