Three little birds, sat on my window
And they told me I don’t need to worry
Summer came like cinnamon
So sweet, little girls double-dutch on the concrete
Maybe sometimes we’ve got it wrong, but it’s alright
The more things seem to change,the more they stay the same
Oh, don’t you hesitate
Typical Saturday morning for me consists of hanging out in a coffee shop and enjoying a cup of frappe with a book, or with my thoughts. Lately, I’ve been dealing so much with the latter.
Recent events have got me feeling a bit down. Friends and colleagues getting married left and right; others are successfully meeting serious partners from Tinder, Happn or other dating sites; even the ex-girlfriend of Vina Morales’ current boyfriend who I’ve been stalking on Instagram because of their flavorful cat fights and heartbreak induced drama has suddenly quieted down, and is suddenly going to have a new baby and now getting back on track, while I remain the single girl for what? 5 or 6 years now? and the girl who just can’t find the right one who will stay. Oh the tragedy.
But then, three little birds sat on my window, and they told me I don’t need to worry. They came to remind me that life is not just about finding the right guy and falling madly in love with him and then marrying him. In fact, a married life, according to them, is so far from the fairy tale concept that most girls, including me, have about it. They said that marriage is hard. relationship is hard. and that they terribly miss being single to be honest.
They miss being able to spend their money however they want. They miss hanging out in nice, expensive alfresco restaurants. They miss leaving the house on weekends, and at any time of the day at that, just to enjoy a serene, peaceful, stress-free moment with a cup of quite the no-longer-affordable frappucino in hand. Basically, they miss everything that I am currently doing effortlessly.
‘Twas more than I could take, pity for pity’s sake
Some nights kept me awake, I thought that I was stronger
When you gonna realise, that you don’t even have to try any longer?
Do what you want to.
How easily did I forget that mine is a life that others covet as much as I covet theirs. While I drown myself with the depressing idea that I might not ever get married and I might grow old all alone and what’s fucking wrong with me and why am I so unlucky when it comes to dating and relationships, these exact people who I’m comparing my life with would actually do anything to be able to live my life (again) for one weekend or even one day.
I swear my friend almost slapped me. I’d complain about being 27 already and still single, she’d pound on me that I’m JUST 27 and 27 is STILL YOUNG – The perfect time to enjoy singlehood because I have (relatively) so much money, time, and freedom.
Sometimes, it is good to hang out with the people who are in the situation that (you think) you are dreaming of. They give you a very grounded perspective on the matter.
I had the opportunity to reflect on this subject further while I was brunching solo at Mary Grace last Sunday, and here are the questions I brutally asked myself:
Is it just my ego pushing me to somehow envy married people or people in relationships? Am I subconsciously thinking that successfully landing a relationship is like successfully accomplishing a project and am I seeing a man by my side as a matter of prize? Do I desire to finally be un-single because I truly want love, or is it because I just want to be like everybody else?
Blue as the sky, sunburnt and lonely,
Sipping tea in a bar by the roadside,
(just relax, just relax)
Don’t you let those other boys fool you,
Got to love that afro hair do
Why do I even have to try to be someone I’m not, or seek validation of the meaning of my existence from an outward experience? I seem to be forgetting what I’ve constantly been reading from a book on Taoism: that I am a beautiful creature of God, perfect in every way despite the human imperfections, complete as it is on its own.
By making a big issue out of my being single, I am creating a problem in my life that doesn’t even have to be there. So I guess I’m writing this to tell myself to calm down and chill on the whole “i wanna have a boyfriend” thing. This is to remind myself that my life is awesome! That a life filled with food, and alfresco restos,and books, and cold coffee on a cool sunny morning, and friends and loving family is just as wonderful as a life with a boyfriend. 🙂 And while it’s okay to dream about true romantic love, it’s not okay to measure one’s life only by its presence.
Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.
So my dear self, Janica.. cheer up na! Just live your life one day at a time. Do all the things that you love doing. Try all the things you’re scared of trying. Focus on the things that are already present in your life, not what’s lacking in it. There are so much to be thankful for…
and clearly… there is so much re-reading of Taoism to be done. hehehe.
You’re gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.