Tinder Tailor Soldier Spy (Part 1)

27 Mar

This is a story of a total jerk of a guy, or a spy (whichever you find more believable), that I once dated.

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Yes.

What do you mean, yes?

Do you remember your last question to me? The answer is YES.

Just as he was about to kiss me, my eyes grew big and I got as excited as a five-year old child seeing a Superhero mascot for the first time. I remembered his last text on my phone now. It read as such:

“I will tell you the answer only if you agree to see me one last time.”

I am not dumb to believe what he said just like that, without hard evidence and without verifiable facts…. but there was this inner child in me deciding to actually believe it because at that moment, the fantasy was all too important to leave behind.

Disenchantment was the last thing on my mind.

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Chapter 1: Tinder Chats

His name is Jayson. But this is not his work name. This is his social name, his name in the Philippines, but not the name he is called by his colleagues. I found out about this eventually because of a Viber anomaly, but let us hold that story down for later.

So I met Jayson in Tinder. We both swiped right one fine day, but just like most of my Tinder matches, we did not necessarily talk right away. At that time, Jayson was just one of the many people I was care-freely chatting with, so it didn’t really bother me that his messages started out intermittently.

Intermittently – this is a word that I would probably overuse in this story. Because that was what he was basically, which therefore leads me to believe that he is either one of these things only: (1) A GUY WHO ENJOYS MAKING A FOOL OUT OF ME, or (2) A GUY WHO KEEPS AND DOES SECRETS FOR A LIVING.

Anyway, Jayson messaged me for the first time a day after we matched, if I recall it correctly. He was polite, he seemed intelligent, he knows a lot of general knowledge stuff that I thought he could actually win one of those televised quiz-bees of sorts. He introduced himself to me rather properly, and he was not the kind that sends unsolicited dick pics or the kind that tells you he was at the moment horny. So that was good.

We asked the normal introductory questions:

What are you here for in the Philippines? I’m here for work.

What do you do for work? I am an industrial engineer, but ironically, I am functioning more as a civil engineer these days (or was it the other way around? I’m not so sure anymore).

I see. So you are an expat. Of what company? A company that installs water-filtration systems, now trying its market in the Philippines…

He insinuated about getting coffee together if his schedule that week would permit, and I insinuated that I am cool with the idea. We talked a bit more about pretty trivial things. But that was that.

Our conversation would end without much hang-ups. But he didn’t text me for a week after that. I didn’t mind. In fact, he didn’t even enter my mind during the time that he was quiet. After all, I did not really know this guy.

Exactly seven days have passed before he texted me again. I could still remember I was shopping with my friend at SM Manila when he buzzed. First and foremost, he apologized for his being “missing in action” for a week. I said it was not a big deal. He said sorry one more time and explained that he needed to take care of some things, and had to find a more permanent place to stay in. He told me he used to stay at the Holiday Inn Hotel, but finally his company has found him a unit in Rockwell. He finished moving all his things there today, and now he had time to rest.

I went on with my shopping, he went on with bothering me, although I was willingly allowing it because hey, he was fun to talk to. He was witty, he was decent, he was almost too courteous at times, and he spoke Spanish. He kept the conversation interesting, and me interested, just enough.

I counted two days before he texted me again, then another three days before his next text. Another day, for another text, and another cycle of intermittence after that, that eventually I started to wonder why this guy has not asked me out yet. Surely, that was too long for message exchanges already. Based on my past experiences, a western guy would ask you out after a week – sometimes even less – of texting.

Another day has passed until he finally reached out again.

Hello, miss…

Oh hi there! How’s it going?

I’m all good. He then proceeded to tell me about his day. He once again apologized for not being able to text so often. We talked for a while about any and all things we could think of, but this time, he made sure to ask me out for coffee before we ended the conversation for the night, to which I said yes.

Finally. A date with this Spanish-speaking American man who doesn’t text much, and yet has texted me too much by now!

One particular thing I found unusual about him was his disinclination to give me his phone number. It seemed to me he was content with talking just through Tinder chat but I knew well enough that that would mean disaster when we try to meet up because Tinder crashes all the time, and I really don’t wanna waste my time going to a certain place while losing contact real-time with a guy I’m trying to meet for the first time.

So I just went ahead and asked for his number. He didn’t reply to me which was really weird. It was the first and only time that a guy from Tinder would not give me his number or ask for mine, especially when we have already agreed to meet up. I sensed he was really being very cautious so I didn’t push it. Instead, I volunteered mine away. I typed my digits and told him that he could text me directly (via SMS) if something came up on the day that we were supposed to meet. And that was that.

Chapter 2: First Meeting

Tuesday night. It was raining a little bit. I was wearing my favorite immaculately white dress because that was our color code for the day in the office. I made sure to put on my peach-colored lipstick, wear a sexy black and gold stiletto and sport my glorious long curls. I know I said I am not really into him in the beginning, but somehow I still wanted to impress the guy.

I arrived at the café a few minutes before our agreed time. I bought my own coffee, and looked at my pocket mirror too often. A few more minutes passed and still no elusive guy on sight. I tried to open my Tinder app just in case he left me a message there telling me he couldn’t make it, but of course, as I’ve foreseen, it crashed.

Before long, I got an SMS from an unidentified number.

It was him.

He said he was just caught in traffic somewhere in Makati Avenue but he was almost there.

Ha. He was finally forced to text me using his real number. Wasn’t I smart to have provided him with mine? It made me smile a little bit knowing that he wouldn’t trade chivalry for his cautiousness, after all. I learned later on that he was almost never late for any rendezvous. He was very particular with time.

A few more moments into that rainy night, and a familiar face passed by the glass walls of Starbucks. I know it sounds cliché but he almost went slowmo in my head. I was watching him come closer and closer to me. And I was watching my jaw not to drop out of too much excitement.

He was wearing casual clothes – a baseball cap, a dark-colored collared t-shirt, a pair of light khaki cargo shorts, and slip-ons. He had wonderful blue eyes, well-complemented by his clean-cut but very blonde hair. He was not particularly stunning, but I liked how he carried himself. He was not that tall, but he commanded a healthy dose of pride, authority and manliness, I would say. Jayson was not the first guy from Tinder I went on a date with. He was the fourth actually. But I never felt the sensation I just had with the three previous men. There was just something about him that made me predict I was going to fall head-over-heels in love for the first time after a long time.

He saw me, and he smiled. He immediately removed his cap which had been somehow drenched in rain. And then, he spoke his first few words to me:

Hi there! Wow you look really beautiful.

Oh thank you! You’re very sweet!

I am so sorry I am late, I didn’t expect the rain and traffic. Have you been waiting for a while now?

No. not really. I came early so no worries.

He asked where I wanted to eat. He said he couldn’t recommend any place around because he was just new in Manila, and so I took him to one of my favorite restaurants in the area. There, we talked and talked, and I learned a lot of things about him.

I learned that he had to leave for Pampanga a few days ago to take care of some business. I clarified if that was where his office was located. He said not really, their office was in fact in Quezon City, but there was a site he needed to regularly inspect in Pampanga, and he just got back from it.

So where exactly in Pampanga were you at?

Clark. Subic.

A-huh. Now I’m pretty sure you did get busy there!

You know, Clark is quite a seedy place, but there is some serious work to be done there. Really dirty water. I barely had time to go out. And I had to return back to Manila right after.

There he was answering a question that I didn’t actually ask, but actually did. I liked him for his sharpness, and his seeming “un-offendable” character…

(TO BE CONTINUED)

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Dreaming of… Aubaine Selfridges

7 Mar

Currently daydreaming about this restaurant in London.. Aubaine Selfridges.

One of the few places abroad I would like to see.

I’ve never been to London, but when I get the chance to go, I am definitely paying this a visit.

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I mean, just look at that ceiling. I cannot even breathe….

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and look how the sun rays generously illuminate the place…

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And the white walls… and chic white framed chairs and tables…

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wow… wow… wow….

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The flower-clad ceiling matches exquisitely the monochromatic and Morrocan-inspired tiles of the floor, and the french charm of all other things displayed inside.

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Ahhhh… someday, please! ^_^

But for now allow me to bask in all the pretty thoughts and vibes this dreamy restaurant has been giving me for days now! Ciao!

*photos are not mine. image source indicated below each photo. Please click on such links to view more of this pretty, pretty restaurant.

Basics and Boho

4 Mar

Clean. That is what white t-shirts are all about. There is a reason that the white tee is considered a staple in every closet.

One can never go wrong with the basic.
P_20171203_101406_BFIn line with my 2018 project of decluttering life, I am consciously going for simpler wardrobe this time without having to sacrifice my love for drama. haha.

Less arte doesn’t mean less statement.

And I swear by the power of the basic white shirt. It is sexy and simple and is the best clothing to accessorize.

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I am also fully embracing the boho-loving side of me. I was slowly transforming my house into a bohemian inspired one this year, and it was then that I realized that boho is something that my outfits can also reflect more from now on. 😀

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So here’s a dream catcher necklace for an accent piece, in some of my favorite colors no less — brown, gold and a bit of blue green. I actually have 2 more of the same necklace but in white, and in blue green. haha.  I bought them in Baclaran for 200 pesos each. 😀

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Recently Updated34Assorted rings from Forever 21, gold bangle from Baclaran, watch from Calvin Klein Bag handed down by my mother (or more like inarbor ko haha), shoes from Ukay-ukay! 😀

Recently Updated33My hair is super short pa dito. Clean-cut and no signs of my wild curls yet. It has grown about a few inches from then, and I honestly can’t wait for my hair to grow really long again. haha.

P_20171203_101252_BFPardon the belly fat!  working on it, promise! hahaha.

I’ve been on a no/minimal carb and sugar diet for almost three weeks now, and i was surprised to lose weight so quickly! :O I’ve had some clothes that I couldn’t wear anymore because they’ve gotten too tight. When I tried them on last week, they aren’t bursting from tightness anymore! Natuwa ako infernezz. hahaha.

I really want my abs back. I thought it would look a lot nicer dancing ballroom with my abs. I look a little ridiculous dancing sexy routines with a bulging tummy. haha. Recently Updated35

Wearing a choker rin pala. This one I got from Landmark Dept. Store. 

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Okay that would be all for now! 🙂 Hope you all are having a great Sunday! 🙂

Time After Time

26 Feb

Just a quick throwback photos when my hair was still long and curly. So much has happened the past months/year that I’ve left this set of pictures unpublished up until I cut my hair short.

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Let’s just put it out here once and for all then. And I promise, after this post, I’ll update this blog more regularly and with recent pictures already. There is so much I want to share with you guys, but I haven’t got the time to organize my thoughts and translate them into a cohesive blog post. I’m itching to share what i’ve been upto lately, and how my life has changed so drastically yet gradually if that even makes sense. lol

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But don’t y’all worry. It’s still me substantially. Still the girl that loves beige and white, and gold, and high heels and dresses, and anything dreamy and beautiful… Just maybe more profound? Or more defined. 🙂

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It is quite fascinating how growing old(er) is turning out to be so fun for me. I like how I’m changing, and evolving and transforming.

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Mind you, it is not always happy times. But at the grand scheme of things, I still consider my life and my self a pretty awesome creation of the heavens above. I know i’m not making lots of sense right now. haha. but what the hell right? 🙂

All I can say is, the universe has been good and kind to me lately. And I am really grateful. I think I am mildly experiencing the beginning of a midlife crisis tho, and It confuses me sometimes. I am still trying to understand this internal urge to do something significant, in the grown-up sense of the word.

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Maybe I just need to let time do the comprehending. I am giving up my slight but unsettling discombobulation in what seems like a need for yet another change.

p_20161226_160518After my picture fades and darkness has 
Turned to gray
Watching through windows–you’re wondering
If I’m OK

Secrets stolen from deep inside
The drum beats out of time–

 

Curating Life

4 Jan

Happy New Year everyone! 🙂 I may be a few days late with my entry on the Year-End essay writing contest, but as they say it is better late than never. 🙂 As most of the people on this planet, I am also one that writes down New Year’s Resolutions every start of each year. But throughout the years, I’ve learned to do away with a long list of to-dos, and instead focus on just one goal. I find that it has much more impact if I try to accomplish one big, meaningful thing within the year instead of trying to complete 5, 10, 20 small, usually shallow items and end up disappointed for not achieving everything.

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They say that the first step in crafting the life you love is to get rid of everything you don’t, and so I am deciding to focus on that goal for this new year.

So this is my 2018 Resolution:

To mindfully curate my life – to edit, edit and edit. To declutter, discard and minimize: From the contents of my closet to the people I decide to have in my life. To only keep the high quality ones and throw away those that are stopping me or slowing me down from being the best version of myself. I want to make sure that the things that will take up my time and attention are only the things that I actually love.

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I’ve already started taking action in pursuit of my 2018 goal. Before December of 2017, ended I made sure to fill my mental planner with activities I truly find enjoyable and meaningful even if that meant dropping a couple (a lot?) of other things I’ve been accustomed to doing.

1. I hurriedly enrolled in a social dance class which I’ve put off for the longest time. I’ve been wanting to dance again since like two years ago but I kept holding back for one too many reasons. Well, I finally did it before 2017 ended! AND DAMN WAS I HAPPY ABOUT IT! Every chance I get to dance is always euphoria.

2. I decided to declutter my house, repaint the bathroom, the kitchen and then my room. I threw away A LOOOOOOT OF STUFF from my bedroom, and WAYYYY LOOOOOTS MOREEEEE from other parts of the house, and to be honest i’m not even done yet with the decluttering until now! We have too muuuuch things at home it is crazy! :O

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3. I gave away five big black plastic bags of clothes, and kept only the ones that make me feel fabulous, expensive, happy, and confident. Emphasis on the ‘AND’,  because if a dress fails to satisfy at least one of the criteria, they automatically go to my “donate” bags.

4. I decided to take a break from Tinder haha. It can get addictive I tell you. I had dedicated considerable amount of time, energy, feelings and money even, as I allow myself to be lost in the craze. I just thank the heavens that I finally reached the saturation point. Really, it was the most meaningless “hobby” I ever got obsessed with.  Now that I am done with it, I am surprised by how much free time I have in my hands!  It’s like i’ve taken this one thing off my list of to-dos and now I actually have time to accomplish and enjoy 10 more things! :O HAHA.

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5. I made a conscious effort to see and reconnect with friends and social groups I onced belonged with (well, I still belong to them but being the loner that I am, I feel like I am not close to them anymore now). I said yes to all invites to christmas parties, christmas dinners, reunions and whatnot. I rarely say no to coffee dates with my girl friends too. Friends – not men – are our real soulmates according to the Sex and the City girls. Hehe. They remain in our lives for a lifetime regardless of place, time and distance. And so, I’ll make more effort to choose them before other temporary people.

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In order to succeed in this life project of CURATING LIFE, we must discard the unnecessary activities or things that fill up our closets and schedules without hesitation. AND SO THAT’S WHAT I DID. AND SO FAR SO GOOD. So for this new year, that is what I still intend to do. I want to carry on this habit of decluttering and curating that I’ve started rather belatedly last year.

white shirt1mint-colored top from Forever 21, white pants from Banana Republic

So I am slowly but surely starting to stylize everything about me, making sure that what I own and keep are all useful to me and my vision. I’ve been guilty of hoarding and obsessing over things which quickly catch my attention for the past yearssss, without evaluating much if these things actually serve me well. Now it is time to ACTUALLY let them go. I still have a lot of work to do, but already it is starting to feel lighter for my spirit to see a lot of gibberish go out the window. 🙂

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Christian Siriano bag

So yea I guess I can label 2018  as my “General Cleaning Year”. I resolve to spend each of my 365 days consciously choosing what to buy, entertain and let in, and also what to throw away, ignore and let go.

I really want a classy life — classy not in the materialistic sense of the word, but in its more practical and philosophical concept. Quality over quantity, so to speak.  I want to master the art of waiting, and saving, and working hard to have something of real value and meaning to me… instead of settling for (and hoarding!) easily accessible and available but useless things.

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Well, I think I am off to a good start.  🙂 I’m happy, I’m content and I’m busy for the right reasons now.  I feel accomplished everytime I get to finish the tasks I’ve set for the day and for the week. Ah but of course… Fulfillment  comes in easy when the things that we have to do are the same things that we love to do.

That’d be all for now! 🙂 Happy New Year! 😀

Pensive Adagio

6 Dec

“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.” 

 Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

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To live without judgment in this world seems like an arduous, if not impossible task. From childhood, we have been molded to look at other people and compare ourselves to them. Such comparison, however, will never ever do us good — If we find that someone is beneath us, we feed our vanity; If we find someone to be better than us, we feed our insecurity. Either way, we are nurturing our ego which is the real and only enemy that we have as individuals.

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Taoist principle would advise us to live in this world merely as passive observers – watching the world (read: other people) unfold before our eyes with curiosity, but never with question. Accepting things as they are; Understanding motivation behind seemingly odd behaviors; And keeping silent amidst tribulation. No one is better than me. I am better than no one too. I am here to see the creation of God grow and be; I am not God to create the rules by which others should measure up.

IMG_20170518_073122_961 “Kindness is to live to one’s essence.” Taoist teachings would always stress that “not doing” is in fact our natural state of being. Exerting effort is not our predisposition. And yet here we are all, struggling to keep quiet when something or someone’s existence offends us… It is hard… because we’ve grown up and lived our lives detached from God. We’ve befriended pride ever since we were a child. And that is why things have turned upside-down, and inside out.

As the year 2017 prepares to bid us goodbye, I am hoping to start a new year with a conscious effort to be kind — to be kinder than I have been in the past, both to others and to myself.  I’ll try to be quiet…to merely observe… I’ll try, and try and try until I finally come back to my source — I want to work on this goal until I realize that being one is in fact my natural way of being.

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“Kindness in words creates confidence, kindness in thinking creates profoundness, kindness in giving creates love.”

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The sage releases their own stories, while accepting the stories of others.

The sage is kind to the kind and also kind to the unkind: for virtue is holding to kindness.

Being as a child, within grace, when allowing ourselves to perceive and embrace essence without judgment.

-The Tao Te Ching

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There are so many things in this world deserving of our attention that we oftentimes neglect. We do not realize that the simplest of things are in fact the ones that bring us joy and happiness. We – through the wheeling of our ego – always chase the more difficult and complicated ways of the world.  But I would like to change that now. Hopefully I’d emerge triumphant. 🙂

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photos taken by me at Canyon Woods Resort, Batangas ❤

Life in a Cup

18 Jun

What’s another story to hear
What’s another laugh for two
What’s another tick on the clock
When it’s magic shared by you

What’s another smile to give?
What’s another kiss or two?
What’s another line to say?
When it’s now that’s shared by you

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Thought I’d share something of a sunny and light vibe today 🙂 Here are some snaps of what weekends should be like – an intentional pause, a well-deserved break, a needed recreation.  Weekdays are our hustle days, and most of the time we cannot help but move so quickly – chasing after the elusive time, waking up as early as 5am and going home as late as almost midnight, overdosing on caffeine to keep us running, and beating deadlines after deadlines that in the end leaves us oh so beat ourselves.

received_1378729268832717So what’s a day or two to stop? We all need a moment to immerse ourselves in the now – and make sure that we do it as slowly as we could. Go to a place that is  lovely and inspiring. Let’s treat ourselves to a cup of coffee and enjoy every sip of it this time.

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A cup in hand
You know it’s worth your while
A cup in hand
Let’s sit and stay for a while

Let minutes turn to moments
Let’s mix
Let’s talk
One moment

IMG_20170411_162014_602“Sunday is the perfect day to refuel your soul and be grateful for each and everyone of your blessings”

I’d like to take this time to appreciate all the people who care for me. I do realize how fortunate I am to know that there are lots of friends reaching out to me, offering any kind of help they could extend, and giving me unsolicited-yet-very-welcome pieces of advice and encouragement. I’ve been expressing my self-doubts, fears and frustrations in social media a lot lately but I didn’t really think people would take the time to read them much less offer me whatever they have to lessen my stress.

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I am only human. I sometimes forget to trust the higher being that guides us all. Lately, mabilis ako ma-stress and ma-rattle However, I am happy to be reminded of the universe’s unbelievable power through a lot of people – Jim, Jam, Phoebe, Mara, Lil, Steph, Mica, Ate Mylene and other law school friends who believe in me, the Bayleaf Gurls, 411 Windsor Housemates (shout out to Ate Cy and Jenny esp!), Tita Josie, Tin, Ago, Ms. Anette, and the people I’ve met only in work-related events and conferences but have been super thoughtful and caring, and I know are praying for me like Ma’am Nelia from NCDA and Ms. Jo from DOH. I also met an Atty. from DOJ  in one forum and she offered her help in my review – she told me to just text her when I have any question. She also gave me tips which I find super helpful. I won’t say na how each one of you has helped me, but you surely did. so Thank you! 🙂

I would also like to use this day to end my week-long self-declared depression. Looking back, I couldn’t believe I got through my Thursday and Friday alive. I was sick for three days starting Monday and had to miss work until Wednesday. I believe that was stress-induced. I had TONS of pending work needed to be turned over to the bosses by the end of the week that I just feared the coming of Thursday. I was so down and helpless. It seemed like everything about my remaining two work days was going awfully wrong. I cried a lot during those times and asked/complained to the Heavens about my impossible ordeal… But somehow, the universe conspired to remind me that life is my ally, not my foe. Come Friday, I magically was able to finish three deliverables/work in a span of 4 hours in the morning. And I find that miraculous because it would usually take me the whole day to finish just one.

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“You’re so hard on yourself. Take a moment. Sit back.

Marvel at your life:

      at the grief that softened you,

     at the heartache that widened you,

     at the suffering that strengthened you.

Despite everything, you still grow.  Be proud of this.”

 

The book on Taoism that I’ve been reading said that everything we need is already being provided to us right here, right now. The universe does not leave anyone behind (yes parang SDG lang! hahaha), and we need only ask and we shall receive. This past week made me a witness to the truthfulness of this teaching. And though I am anticipating another big necessity in the near future, I trust that the universe will provide whatever I need through the people, things and situations around/surrounding me.

I guess this Sunday marks another beginning for me. I will try (yet again) to be more positive even though it can be so difficult at times, and even though I am convinced now that I am genetically predisposed to be melancholic (yes peeps, it is somehow inherent for some people to be more inclined to feel sadness than joy); But this shouldn’t stop me from pursuing happiness I know. After all, nature and nurture coexist in this world to balance each other out, and bring about a perfectly imperfect individual.

IMG_20170412_073419_1742afb9cfcf73103a3e9e517b0d9822558received_1378731118832532 I really have to be consistent in cultivating a happy spirit, and i need to believe MORE in the power of the universe –> things will always work out! And it is always just a matter of perspective – glass half empty vs glass half full; life is either falling apart or falling into place.

And thankgod for beautiful Sundays too – for the downtime, for the chance to reflect, for the chance to begin again, for a clean slate, for the nth square one. I am just grateful to have come to sobriety after a drowning week that was.

I say buckets of coffee keep us awake during hustle-weekdays, but a cup of coffee on a Sunday is what truly keeps us alive. 🙂

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That’s all for today! Quite a long post, but it stops here. 🙂 Have a happy Sunday everyone! 🙂