Yours and Mine :)

1 Jan

It’s 2017! We are given another year for fresh beginnings – a clean slate, a blank paper to write a new chapter of our lives on. All the baggage we have from 2016 are better off left exactly there – in the past. Let’s all start the new year right – filled with joy, fulfillment, gratitude, awe, faith and love. 🙂 And hurray for me! I have a new blog post on the first day of 2017! Setting the momentum for what’s gonna be a good year not only for me, but also for this blog. hehe 🙂

I was going through my piled-up drafts and thought this number right here with the white clean coat dress and well-polished look was the most befitting to welcome the new year:  p_20161225_103725_bfIt’s simple, crisp, clean,  kinda mature, and subtly presidential. Nothing too grand or flamboyant, but still making a statement. 🙂 That’s how I probably would describe what I want for my 2017 – I want it to be a concoction of simple joys, responsible adulting and small wins in life. Of course, I wouldn’t say no to great surprises, such as maybe passing or topping the bar exams but I shouldn’t really get myself caught up with the big deals lest I allow pressure to take over me. That is the last thing I want for 2017:)

p_20161225_103721_bfAnyways, I’ve been trying to recollect the best memories of my 2016 and you know what I realized?  The past year has had too many highlights that I cannot even call them highlights anymore. LOL :)) 2016 has been super awesome. It was a collection of colorful experiences which are not necessarily always happy and good; Indeed, some made me tremble, shed tears, and doubt myself for a bit but in the end, it’s what made things pretty interesting.

p_20161225_103858_bf_1Here are some of the unforgettable moments of my life in 2016:

1. I graduated from law school. I couldn’t believe it myself – I got through 5 and 1/2 years of what I thought was extreme hell. Wheeeeew! It was not heartbreaks that made me cry like a baby so many times – it was law school! bruuuuuh

2. I was sent to Switzerland along with the other members of the Philippine Delegation to defend a State Report before the United Nations Committee on the Elimination of (all forms of) Discrimination Against Women (UN CEDAW). First travel abroad. Europe. This one will always be in my heart. 🙂

3. I fell in love with the strangest guy, or should I say, strangest idea of a guy. Kakaibang love story to na hindi naman talaga love story. Ah basta. Kailangan ko ng separate post for this lol.

4. I got my first bouquet of roses on Valentines day 🙂 I know, i know. shallow. But then, this blog is called Shallow Euphoria so I’m justified for cherishing this experience just a bit too much right? 😛

5. I got my heart broken 😦 But it was a test of my self-appreciation and self-respect so all good.

6. I became more spiritual. I was learning a lot about Taoism and it has tremendously helped in my daily life.

7. I was introduced to the habit of reading. This one’s the most unexpected but I love that it happened 🙂

8. I made another milestone (which I  cannot disclose right now) just before the year ends…

9. ….and a lot of food, frappe, cocktails, hotel hopping, family and friends bonding, and alfresco resto exploring in between!!

WHAT AN AMAZING YEAR IT HAS BEEN!

coat-dress1Dress from a thrift shop

recently-updated30Bag gifted by my office mate Becca, Anne Klein watch, gold bangle from Baclaran

p_20161225_103752_bf_1Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, any one can start from now and make a brand new ending.

p_20161225_103740_bfWe are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream.

p_20161225_102729shoes from Parisian

p_20161225_103745_bf2016 has taught me so much about myself, about adulthood, and about life in general. I gathered all these important realizations to sort out the things I need to improve on, and while the past year has been nothing short of wonderful, I acknowledge that there are responsibilities I need to take more seriously this year for my own sake. So, after a quick year-end review, this is the set of New Year’s Resolutions I intend to pay attention to:

15740766_1895376467364472_1011165136715892121_nMany of my goals I am already trying/doing, but I feel that I need to improve on the consistency aspect – like reading my novels and devotional/Taoism books, blogging and trying to live a healthier lifestyle.

I also have  one major goal for 2017 and that is to pass TOP the bar exams (libre mangarap, friends! hahaha). But seriously, It’s the one thing from that list I’m kinda nervous about, not because I don’t believe in my own aptitude, but because I know it entails lots lots lots of discipline and hard work. But a new year means infinite possibilities and I intend to try my luck on that ha!  🙂

p_20161225_103934_bf1Before I end this post, allow me to insert one important message:

I know that some people did not have a very pleasant 2016. And I don’t want to dilute the importance of their own experiences just because my year turned out well and fine.  To my friends who breathed a big sigh of relief upon the conclusion of the past year, congratulations for getting through your rough time! 🙂 I am soooo proud of your strength, your endurance and your will to soldier on! I hope that 2017 brings you the blessings that you so deserve. 🙂 This new year can as much be yours as it can be mine. CLAIM IT! 🙂

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HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!!!! LET’S SPREAD LOVE WHOLE YEAR ROUND!!!

love,

Janica 🙂

All the Best People Are

21 Dec

 

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?’
‘That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,’ said the Cat.
‘I don’t much care where -‘ said Alice.
‘Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,’ said the Cat.
‘- so long as I get SOMEWHERE,’ Alice added as an explanation.
‘Oh, you’re sure to do that,’ said the Cat, ‘if you only walk long enough.”

p_20160709_124952I’ve always loved the story of Alice in Wonderland. There’s something about Alice and her journey that beckon me. I think it is because I see a whole lot of me in her – she is crazy, clumsy in life, she journeys to the unknown on her own, she doesn’t seem to bow down to anyone – not even the notorious queen, and she is able to connect with the weirdest creatures there are, without ever questioning if they are indeed real. She has her own little world and she drifts off to that despite the disapproving frowns and questions of the people in her reality. Her imagination is so strong it brings Wonderland into life. What a stubborn 7 year old child. 🙂

p_20160709_125008Right now, I recognize more than ever that I am in this journey to my own wonderland but this time I am in it with more fearlessness, with more appreciation for the trip more than the destination, and with more conscious enjoyment of everything that comes along my way, including  especially of the most unlikely, strange and surprising encounters.

And I love it. I love where I am right now. I may not be the girl that goes on literal adventures, but inside me I am threading on a massive unexplored territory. Ah, adventures of the soul can be just as enriching and fun, you see. And I’m grateful.

geneva1top from H&M, pants from a thrift shop, belt from SM

p_20160709_123944_bf“But I don’t want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked.
“Oh, you can’t help that,” said the Cat: “we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.”
“How do you know I’m mad?” said Alice.
“You must be,” said the Cat, “or you wouldn’t have come here.”

Looking back, I see a girl so naive and so full of childish dreams and who believes relentlessly in magic. And I see a girl whose stubborn heart gets bruised all the time, yet refuses to quit learning and yearning and hoping to receive what she truly wants. Why, I was quite bonkers then.  Well, I still am! with one particular change – I am fully aware that I am this one hella’ crazy lady and I am enjoying being one and definitely not ashamed or apologetic about it anymore.  And I resolve to continue on with this journey, and to take more and more unfamiliar paths — knowing in my heart that whichever way I go, I will end up at the same final destination.

p_20160709_124959Kate Spade bag

“Alice laughed: ‘There’s no use trying,’ she said; ‘one can’t believe impossible things.’ ‘I daresay you haven’t had much practice,’ said the Queen. ‘When I was younger, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter how neurotic other people perceive us to be. There is no harm in keeping on believing all the impossible things that inspire us. All the adventures are happening within us, inside us, through our very souls and so it is only us, and not the outside spectators who can really attest to the wonderfulness of our personal experiences. Too much obsession with the destination is a doing of the outside world. It invented the word “impossible” and any one who tries to reject the word and defy the limits are called “crazy”. I’ve been called that so many times, with different versions  of the term to boot… but so what? I am actually loving branding myself as bonkers…because as Madhatter told Alice – “all the best people are”.

p_20160709_124215Melissa shoes gifted by my aunt Blessie

p_20160709_124734“I wonder if I’ve been changed in the night. Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I’m not the same, the next question is ‘Who in the world am I?’ Ah, that’s the great puzzle!”

In the end, does it even matter who or what we end up being really? Is there not an assurance that if we travel consciously with only beautiful thoughts and intentions and with constant gratitude being the only baggage we carry into the night, then we surely are to arrive to somewhere fantastic the next day? It doesn’t matter where we find ourselves, or how absurdly wild to others we’ve become. It will always be lovely there if we choose to see it as such. 🙂 The only thing we can be certain of is that we will always be a different person tomorrow, hopefully, for the better and hopefully, as a new version of ourselves that we love even more.

p_20160709_124728“Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.”

I’m 27 now, but I still love the 7 year old Alice in me.  I just have this extreme fascination with the beautiful madness of her world — Ever growing. Ever wondering. Ever learning. Never sane.

In Awe and Acceptance

10 Dec

My Beloved is the mountains,
And lonely wooded valleys,
Strange islands,
And resounding rivers,
The whistling of love-stirring breezes,

The tranquil night
At the time of rising dawn
Silent music
Sounding solitude,
The supper that refreshes and deepens love.

– St. John of the Cross

15073449_1874143209487798_6838534828767081427_nOne fine weekend, my family and I went to Tagaytay for lunch in celebration of my brother’s birthday. We went to see the only branch of Bag of Beans in the said city (there are 4, i think) that we haven’t been to yet. The resto was lovely just like the other branches, but this one is  the most in touch with nature. The alfresco area was much bigger than the air-conditioned part, and it consisted of two levels/stories, extending even farther from the main premises and near a sort of cliff.

15179232_1874142702821182_2494052493202345696_nNeedless to say, I liked it. Nature evokes a certain feeling of awe and gratitude in me. Indeed, in it i see a form of divinity. Does it ever happen to you — where passively observing the earth gives you a sense of humility in that you are suddenly reminded that in the grand scheme of things, we  and (what we perceive as) our problems OR our so-called status and accomplishments in life, are mere specks of dust?

15171259_1874142826154503_2027985949918804858_nThis morning I had the chance to read about and reflect on another Taoist teaching. The 72nd verse of the Tao Te Ching speaks of “Living with Awe and Acceptance”. The translated version goes like this:

When people lack sense of awe,
There will be disaster.
When people do not fear worldly power,
A greater power will arrive.

Do not limit the view of yourself.
Do not despise the conditions of your birth.
Do not resist the natural course of your life.
In this way you will never weary of this world.

 Therefore, the sage knows itself
But makes no show of itself
Loves itself
But does not exalt itself
It prefers what is within to what is without

15179158_1874142792821173_5779028431834192975_nAccording to the annotations, there are two components that work together for a harmonious life: a sense of awe and total acceptance – without the combined forces of which we will be unlikely to see the presence of the Tao (or of God, of the universe, of the Source, of a supreme being, of an energy that animates us all– no matter what you wanna call it, it pertains to the same thing.)

bag-of-beansThe first part of the verse encourages us to notice and feel the power in our beautiful surroundings: The vibrant colors of the flowers in the park, the relaxing chirping of the birds, the soothing flow of water, the blue skies, the intricate design of a wood grain of a table, the misty air, the smell of a freshly cut grass. According to Lao Tzu, nature is where we connect with the Tao, or with divinity.

recently-updated27This is especially apt given our current political situation in the Philippines. When our facebook newsfeed is drowning us with unending battles of virtues and ideals, as well as the resulting civil divide, perhaps it is better to retreat to something that will remind us of how beautiful and majestic the world is supposed to be, and still is.

“The earth has music for those who listen”

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I guess it is also important to emphasize that we, humans, are part of nature. We are natural beings just like the trees and the animals. This is where the part of acceptance becomes very crucial. The second part of the  TaoTeChing verse tells us to accept ourselves for who we are, totally abandoning the labels we’ve created in our heads (I am not as rich as him/her, I am not as educated, I don’t have a perfect body, etc). It tells us not to despise our circumstances because in the end, every human being is a natural creation and every natural creation is in itself divine. We are all equal. We all have God in us.  It is only upon acceptance of ourselves that we will able to be in awe of it. Self-love.

Ultimately, the Taoist verse urges us to shift from looking for miracles to seeing everything as miraculous, and to change our view of the world (ourselves being part thereof) to one of awe and bewilderment. It says that by being in a state of awe, we won’t be able to mentally experience boredom or disappointment. And then,“We can live the mystery and in divinity by beginning to perceive what average eyes fail to notice.”

bag-of-beans5I couldn’t agree more with what I just read. I knew there was a reason I gravitate towards nature. All of us do, as a matter of fact. Some just get caught up with the hustle and bustle of the “modern world” that we’ve come to think of as comfortable but is in truth, very limiting.

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bag-of-beans3Wearing a dress i got from my fave thrift shop in Intramuros for only P180.00

15171025_1874143386154447_3110809273984522946_nBag that is locally made, which I got for P350.00

15095698_1874142852821167_6078186447094595535_n“The world has enough beautiful mountains and meadows, spectacular skies and serene lakes. It has enough lush forests, flowered fields, and sandy beaches. It has plenty of stars and the promise of a new sunrise and sunset every day. What the world needs more of is people to appreciate and enjoy it.”Michael Josephs

bag-of-beans2A bit off-topic, but I just have to mention: Bag of Bean’s chocolate banana latte was to die for. Best version i’ve ever tasted. Make sure to try it when you visit the restaurant. 🙂

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bag-of-beans1As I’ve said time and time again, Tagaytay restaurants are special because the food that they serve are much tastier (unlike those in Manila). Why? because their ingredients are almost always grown/produced naturally, sans chemical fertilizers (for vegetables and fruits) and preservatives (for meat). They don’t need this kind of harmful stuff because most ingredients are locally sourced. For example, you can actually taste the freshness of the salad’s pineapple vinaigrette.You could tell it did not come from a bottle sold at the supermarket. This basic example of well-tasting food affirms the idea that by keeping our ways as in touch with nature as possible, the best of things are created.

15056382_1874144049487714_7064675006302812311_nWe were all satisfied with the food that we ordered. The restaurant’s serving size is quite big but we finished everything.

15095526_1874144499487669_2843450279392771011_n“There is pleasure in the pathless woods, a society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar; I love not [Hu]man the less, but Nature more” – Lord Byron

(ugh. mejo nakakainis ang mga quotes na hindi gender sensitive! haha)

We can learn the Tao by being in perfect harmony with the environment, and by loving ourselves yet not making any show of ourselves. By quietly remaining in awe and acceptance, we transcend our ego’s prodding us to become insecure or entitled, bored and disappointed. Now, doesn’t that make perfect sense? 🙂

15178994_1876825062552946_7929293834481757644_nThat is all for today! Have a wonderful weekend everyone! 🙂 Go see a park or a garden or dine in an alfresco restaurant! hahaha ❤

bag-of-beans4

Girl, Put Your Records On

15 Nov

Three little birds, sat on my window
And they told me I don’t need to worry
Summer came like cinnamon
So sweet, little girls double-dutch on the concrete

Maybe sometimes we’ve got it wrong, but it’s alright
The more things seem to change,the more they stay the same
Oh, don’t you hesitate

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Typical Saturday morning for me consists of hanging out in a coffee shop and enjoying a cup of frappe with a book, or with my thoughts. Lately, I’ve been dealing so much with the latter.

Recent events have got me feeling a bit down. Friends and colleagues getting married left and right; others are successfully meeting serious partners from Tinder, Happn or other dating sites; even the ex-girlfriend of Vina Morales’ current boyfriend who I’ve been stalking on Instagram because of their flavorful cat fights and heartbreak induced drama has suddenly quieted down, and is suddenly going to have a new baby and now getting back on track, while I remain the single girl for what? 5 or 6 years now? and the girl who just can’t find the right one who will stay. Oh the tragedy.

wp-image-2093676394jpg.jpegBut then, three little birds sat on my window, and they told me I don’t need to worry. They came to remind me that life is not just about finding the right guy and falling madly in love with him and then marrying him. In fact, a married life, according to them, is so far from the fairy tale concept that most girls, including me, have about it. They said that marriage is hard. relationship is hard. and that they terribly miss being single to be honest.

They miss being able to spend their money however they want. They miss hanging out in nice, expensive alfresco restaurants. They miss leaving the house on weekends, and at any time of the day at that, just to enjoy a serene, peaceful, stress-free moment with a cup of quite the no-longer-affordable frappucino in hand. Basically, they miss everything that I am currently doing effortlessly.

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‘Twas more than I could take, pity for pity’s sake
Some nights kept me awake, I thought that I was stronger
When you gonna realise, that you don’t even have to try any longer?
Do what you want to.

How easily did I forget that mine is a life that others covet as much as I covet theirs. While I drown myself with the depressing idea that I might not ever get married and I might grow old all alone and what’s fucking wrong with me and why am I so unlucky when it comes to dating and relationships, these exact people who I’m comparing my life with would actually do anything to be able to live my life (again) for one weekend or even one day.

P_20160622_111816I swear my friend almost slapped me. I’d complain about being 27 already and still single, she’d pound on me that I’m JUST 27 and 27 is STILL YOUNG – The perfect time to enjoy singlehood because I have (relatively) so much money, time, and freedom.

Sometimes, it is good to hang out with the people who are in the situation that (you think) you are dreaming of. They give you a very grounded perspective on the matter.

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I had the opportunity to reflect on this subject further while I was brunching solo at Mary Grace last Sunday, and here are the questions I brutally asked myself:

Is it just my ego pushing me to somehow envy married people or people in relationships? Am I subconsciously thinking that successfully landing a relationship is like successfully accomplishing a project and am I seeing a man by my side as a matter of prize? Do I desire to finally be un-single because I truly want love, or is it because I just want to be like everybody else?

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Blue as the sky, sunburnt and lonely,
Sipping tea in a bar by the roadside,
(just relax, just relax)
Don’t you let those other boys fool you,
Got to love that afro hair do

Why do I even have to try to be someone I’m not, or seek validation of the meaning of my existence from an outward experience? I seem to be forgetting what I’ve constantly been reading from a book on Taoism: that I am a beautiful creature of God, perfect in every way despite the human imperfections, complete as it is on its own.

By making a big issue out of my being single, I am creating a problem in my life that doesn’t even have to be there. So I guess I’m writing this to tell myself to calm down and chill on the whole “i wanna have a boyfriend” thing. This is to remind myself that my life is awesome!  That a life filled with food, and alfresco restos,and  books, and cold coffee on a cool sunny morning, and friends and loving family is just as wonderful as a life with a boyfriend.  🙂 And while it’s okay to dream about true romantic love, it’s not okay to measure one’s life only by its presence.

wp-image-1377426280jpeg.jpegGirl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

So my dear self, Janica.. cheer up na! Just live your life one day at a time. Do all the things that you love doing. Try all the things you’re scared of trying. Focus on the things that are already present in your life, not what’s lacking in it. There are so much to be thankful for…

and clearly… there is so much re-reading of Taoism to be done. hehehe.

You’re gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

Happy Birthday Girl :D

7 Nov

For my birthday, a very dear friend of mine treated me to a breakfast buffet, a refreshing lunch, a sumptuous dinner and a lot more eating in between, and made sure I had a great time despite the fact that I couldn’t celebrate with my family (until 2 days after) because of our difficult schedules.

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frozen margarita and apple mojito

Of course, since it’s my birthday, it was a no-brainer that we would eat out, al fresco at that, in Greenbelt – my favorite hang out place in the metro, even tho he is not a big fan of the place hehe. We had dinner at Italianni’s and a music duo (singer and guitarist) was playing lovely songs for the entire duration that we were there. Simple but perfect night! All the things I love were there to celebrate with and for me!

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some sort of napa valley salad, some sort of garlic bread, and salmon and cheese pizza. (no idea how these are called in their menu!)

Ahhh food was great! company was great! music was great, outside dining is always great, my old sky blue floral dress still looking pretty and flowy, the good stories, my being able to celebrate without spending a single dime! Thank you, universe, for making sure I had fun! 🙂

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We also had lunch at the Wholesome Table, in Salcedo, Makati which serves organic food. It was my first time there and I instantly fell in love with the place. The restaurant was so beautiful and comfy, what with the rustic-beach cottage ambience which I was really digging. I want all their furniture in my future beach house!

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Food was also delicious. We ordered their carbonara and a bowl of salad, and then indulged in their refreshing drinks. I loved the chai tea frappe! Waiter offered to replace the pasta because he thought bacon in it was a bit too burnt but we didn’t think it was necessary. I appreciated the initiative tho. 🙂

Wholesome Table’s a bit pricey but this is understandable considering the resto’s advocacy to only use organic ingredients.

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Well, I could say that my 27th birthday did not involve any grand party but I nonetheless had a very amazing time… eating… eating… and eating… for free. So thank you, Rene! I want you to know I appreciate being fed like a queen on my birthday! 😀 hihihi

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I would also like to thank my friend/office mate, Ago, for buying me pancit so we could somehow celebrate my birthday in the office even though salary was delayed. We only had the said pancit and this cake I bought at a local bakery for only Php250.00 to share but these were good enough to make my day at the office special. Thank you office mates for celebrating with me! You’re the best! 😀 thank you! I really appreciate it! 🙂

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What do I say? It was indeed a happy birthday for me ^_^ thanks to the good people around me! ^_^

7 Things

30 Oct

I turned 27 last October 26. I’m another year older now, and definitely wiser and better than ever! 🙂 The 26 year old me has experienced a lot of new things, has endured a good heartache and yet has managed to still appreciate life all at the same time. Turning 27 marks the end of a super colorful period and the start of a more wonderful and bright one! And I can say that I’m happy of what I’ve become at this point in time.

So, before I blog about the food that I ate and the restos and places i went to during my birthday week, I think it would be really worthwhile to first talk about 7 small victories I’ve achieved in the past year. Sort of a progress check for me so that if I catch myself in the future feeling a little unsure of myself, I have something to look back to and smile about. 🙂

  1. I’ve acquired an interest in reading.

    I’ve never really liked reading. Back when I was still in school I only touched novels because they were required to be read and even then, I barely finished any up to the last page. Often times, I’d resort to the ever helpful internet for synopses/summaries to get by. Even in law school, i hated reading cases and books. Case digests and reviewers did the job for me mostly.

    But I met Tin (office mate and friend in PCW) who sorta influenced me to grab a book by tagging me along at Book Sale (a bookstore that sells second hand books for cheap) every time we go to a mall. She would also bring to the office her books which she thought I’d relate to and would encourage me to read them. I’ve read her “The Alchemist” and her “Boy Meets Girl” and the rest is history, as they say.

     “Everyone is a reader, some just haven’t found their favorite book yet!”, and I can attest that this quote is so true. I’ve recently discovered that I am so  into conspiracy theories, covert ops and adventure novels (i.e. anything that involves controversial spy and intel agencies of the USA and of other countries,  detective stories and scientific discoveries). I was hooked by a Dan Brown book entitled Deception Point and now I couldn’t go out of the house without a novel of the same sort in my bag although I am currently reading Sex and the City now; While this is far from being a spy book, it is nonetheless action-filled hence the fascination haha. (and I loved the 2 Sex and the City films too!).

    So in just a few months, I’ve read a total of six novels which is QUITE A LOT for a girl who used to hate reading!  🙂 And I’m really thankful to Tin for introducing me to this new hobby. I have been learning a lot and enjoying a lot without needing to move from where I am. 🙂

  2. I can smile now (with teeth showing, that is)

    14650503_1855572504678202_3785686293409661077_n Many people have noticed that I never smile in my pictures. I’ve never learned how to because my two front teeth were discolored due to an accident in the past.But I finally had them fixed last month (after a loooong, looooong time! Kung hindi  pa nagka-infection hindi pa ako kikilos! kaloka). And thanks to my dentist, I am now learning how to smile with my teeth showing. It still feels awkward for me but I’m  trying to get used to it. I’m deliberately taking pictures of me recently with my teeth showing so I could get past the “smile showing hesitation” stage. haha. 🙂 And a loooot of my friends noticed this change! Someone even told me I have a beautiful smile and I should do it more often. ^_^

    3.  I don’t mind taking pictures without make-up on anymore.

    It’s been a long time coming… but I’m finally here. I don’t think I need a lot of words to explain this achievement. Just backtrack on this blog and you will understand the journey to being comfortable with my own skin. Been making progress little by little the past years but this time, I’ve reached the peak. 🙂 Just to give you a quick point A to point B comparison,  three years ago I did not join our class picture in law school despite the prodding of my classmates merely because I didn’t have make up on. Three years after, I initiate picture taking regardless of what I have on my face. 🙂

4. I’ve graduated from law school…

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5. And now ready to study for the bar exam.

I had so many things going on in my life the past few months that I forgot to blog about my graduation day, but yes I did graduate from law school last June, 2016! Why is this part of the list of my tiny victories? Because i’ve always had a hate-hate relationship with it but I finally surpassed 6 years of agony. And I’ve wanted to delay my taking of the bar exams because aside from being unprepared, I wanted to enjoy my long-coveted freedom. But now, I am finally ready to face the tough challenge of studying for the bar. And what I like about this turn of events is that this time, I am deciding for myself, without pressure from parents, friends, or whatnot. So I know that I will be taking my review  very seriously.. because it is a goal I am setting for myself. 🙂

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6. I’m managing without a house help.It’s been around 6 months now since we had a house help… but I am still alive… and now doing laundry, ironing clothes, feeding myself, cleaning my room – things i grew up not doing. I will not say I am good at chores now but at least I discovered I can get by without someone else doing these things for me. It’s very hard most of the time and I am honestly going to be very happy if I could employ a new house help soon, but I am grateful for the 6  months of total independence. 🙂

7. I’ve improved in my singing! hahaha! This I dare say to all of you! I can now reach the notes of Whitney Houston’s One Moment in Time and Celine Dion’s It’s All Coming Back To Me Now. You know, it pays to be singing the karaoke alone all the time! hahaha. And I’m gonna give you a tip now that i’m a singing pro: if the hobby gears you towards any form of self-improvement, then just go for it and try!

HAHAHA OKAY THE SINGING PRO PART IS CLEARLY A JOKE. But the improving at singing part is attested by a few friends who had spent some time with me in the karaoke recently. 😉 But of course, this is only in comparison with my old self. I don’t think I stand a chance with other people. hahaha. :DOKAY, that’s all for today! 🙂 Have a nice Sunday everyone! 🙂

Life Will Always Be Wonderful

17 Oct

It’s an hour before midnight, and I am attempting to translate my scattered thoughts into a readable blog. It’s the kind of thoughts that can easily draw back a girl’s smile, but also the kind that is not ripe enough to bring tears down her eyes. For me, this kind of thoughts is the worst kind because it cannot be perfectly articulated…

But I will try…

I am a little bid sad right now. I am sad because I know that I have to let go of something good that I recently found. I am sad because I think I found love but unfortunately it’s the kind that would certainly not last. What’s sadder is that I genuinely feel it is the kind that is true. But just like any other great things, it, too is fleeting.

P_20160627_122141_BF_1I don’t know how to deal with the reality that soon, something i’ve grown to treasure, something I find special will have to slip away from my hands again. And although I have already accepted the fact that it really is not going anywhere, and will definitely not develop into something deeper, it still makes me uneasy.

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Sometimes I feel like no matter what I do, love will never come to me…

But I know that this is not a good way of seeing things….

Maybe I’m just really frustrated right now. I’m frustrated that I am once again falling for the wrong person. And the fool in me just wouldn’t learn her lesson. I’d freely give away love that can never be returned. And then when the time comes that it has to end, it has to vanish.. to disappear… I cannot deal with it with grace.

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Oh well….

Life is just like that… we deal with things as they come even though we have absolutely no idea what we are doing. All I know is that it’s time, yet again, to move on from a dream that this someone might just choose me, for a change. Because clearly, it’s not happening. It’s time, yet again, to try again.

But I hope next time I start falling in love… it would be with the person who is not going anywhere. On how to do this, that I still need to learn about. lol.

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They say everything happens for a reason. I may not understand it immediately, I may not be comfortable with it right now, but I know someday it will all make sense.

I think there’s nothing wrong with being sad. I think it’s a very genuine and pure feeling – an emotion that cannot be validated or rationalized. It just is. It just has to be felt. But  while I am declaring now that I am a bit blue, I know someday I will get it right, I will choose better situations for my hopeless romantic heart, and I will find the love of my life… P_20160627_122154_BF

Maybe, what I need to do right now is just enjoy my life even harder as I await the right person to arrive. Maybe, I need to work on being even happier on my own first while the right person is still taking his time to meet me.

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I know that LIFE IS TRULY WONDERFUL. And while I do feel sad, lonely, frustrated or upset sometimes, I still think my life is pretty awesome. And that should be enough to get me through this seeming shit I’m feeling right now.

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“At some point, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life.”

…and I should be fine with it. I should graciously let people come and go. It is not easy to do but I really have no choice.

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“The word happiness would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.”

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Sadness is cool. Perhaps it is life’s way of making us feel alive… real… human. Life doesn’t  stop challenging us. It doesn’t stop encouraging us to grow,often times it does its work by disguising lessons as painful, hurtful and sad experiences.  Sometimes we just wanna cry “cut it out” because the frustration looks too unbearable. But life doesn’t hear us like that, does it?

What it wants if for us to accept the next test.

And then things get better…

I know it will all get better… I did not suffer all these heartaches for nothing. I know that in the end, life is my ally.